When you grow up with someone, it’s hard to imagine them changing, ever.
You still envision your mother as the person who made you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when you were little, or yelled at you when you were a teenager, or sent you care-packages in college.
But my mother recently revealed a side of herself that none of us ever suspected.
My mother is a butterfly.
You wouldn’t think it to look at her. She’s five feet tall on tip-toe, and as long as I have known her, my mother has struggled with her weight.
When my dad pursued a job in Texas, far from all our friends and family, my mom suffered from depression and isolation, and hardly anyone noticed it. She didn’t want to worry anyone, so she never brought it up.
But I worried anyway. I could see her slowing down, growing older before my eyes. It scared me. I was worried that my kids, her only grandchildren, might not get to know their Gigi before she blew away like smoke.
And then, a miracle happened.
My mother managed the small on-site library at the local senior center. It was there that she found a posting for a Tai Chi for Arthritics class. She signed up, thinking it would be an easy exercise that would fit in conveniently with her schedule. Her instructors, Chris and Fayne, a dynamic husband and wife duo, saw a potential in my mother that not even she knew was there.
Tai Chi sparked something in my mom. It was strange to talk to her at that time. She still clung to a lot of her old notions. She would talk about Tai Chi with some of her old ‘set-in-her-ways’ attitude, waving aside some of the concepts as ‘hippy-dippy’. But you could hear a kind of wonder, of questioning, in her voice.
She kept going.
She practiced at home, bought videos and special shoes, and read up on the deeper beliefs involved. She went several times a week to classes, learning the movements, the philosophies, the spirit of Tai Chi. She integrated it into her life.
Then she started taking more advanced classes to get certified to teach. She went to conferences and instructor training courses, things way outside her comfort zone. She taught Tai Chi for Arthritics to a group of people in her community. “My first paying gig!” she told me with wild enthusiasm.
A lot of people my mother’s age tend to ‘grow into’ themselves and ossify in their attitudes and beliefs. But my mom reinvented herself.
Today, she is exploring and having adventures, and you can see the difference in her. She smiles more and talks about the doctor less. She has an excitement for living that is amazing to see, and contagious. She is planning a whirlwind retirement with my father, involving an RV, Hawaii, and of course, Tai Chi.
Sometimes I find myself thinking, is this my mom? My set-in-her-ways mom?
It’s a strange experience to grow up to the point where you’re proud of your parents, as if they were your children, or somehow your doing. But it’s true, I’m so proud of her.
And no, this is not my mom. This is a butterfly, and she’s trying her wings.
Photo By: BugMan50
About Margaret Osako:
Margaret is a bewildered writer/editor, who currently is enjoying the vast spectrum of life’s little foibles. She also enjoys spending time with her own two little foibles, Zoe and Owen, and her amazing husband, Mike.
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6 Responses to “Butterfly”
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Scinti is where we share our stories on life, add a spark to someone’s day, and make a difference in someone’s life.
I am a friend of your sister, Mary. This story is truly beautiful. I only hope that one day my children are proud of my accomplishments like I am proud of theirs. Your story reminds me of my mother and how it is almost painful, but wonderful at the same time, to see your mom as her own person. I know for myself I hang on to the memories of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Being an only child I am more reluctant to think that at 33 years old I am still not the center of her universe
I still see her with long black hair, without the gray that is scattered through it now. It is painful to watch our idols grow older and to think that we may have to survive without them someday. You have presented a beautiful way to look at the present time only.
Wow, your sister Mary posted your blog article on FB. I knew immediately I wanted to read it. You write beautifully and you share a universal experience of how are relationships change and transform with your parents.
What a blessing for you both you and your mother that her need to have a better quality of life transformed her life in all other areas as well.
My mother before she passed was for a few years was a retired college profession, though she enjoyed her retirement, she didn’t really come to life until she entered a program to get her theology degree. I spoke with her on the phone after she graduated and she truly sounded like she was 20 again. I never heard her sound happier.
She started allowing her self to feel and to explore her spiritual life and I am so glad she had that opportunity before she passed.
Your mom is fortunate indeed to have daughter like you.
Many blessings,
Faith
Thank you! Mothers are wonderful people! I finally know how much they do for us (and put up with) now that I am a mother myself…
But my mom is particularly wonderful and amazing. Like my kids.
Or is it possible that I’m biased?
It is so touching to me when children see and appreciate the beauty in their parents. I loved reading this and you definitely have a talent for writing! You have been blessed by watching your mother change and grow, and she is blessed to have a talented daughter to express her observations and feelings so beautifully. Truly a memorable story. Thanks for writing it.
What a wonderful article! I had a similar experience with my mother who, after all her children moved out, experienced deep depression and empty nest syndrome. But she’s slowly been trying new experiences; joining a dixie land band, volunteering at local nursing homes. And each time she ventures out of her comfort zone, a little more of her spark returns. My grampy (who is 93 years young) insists that you only get old if you get bored – fun, adventure, and experimentation are what keep him young. I think my mom finally agrees – and it sounds like yours does too. Kudos to her, and to you, for recognizing and celebrating that beauty!
Your Mom, my sister, has always been a special person. Moved from state to state while I stayed in our homestate. She always found her niche no matter where she went. Whether it be helping with gymnastic teams, up with people, library volunteer, etc. Always ready to use her computer skills to help someone organize themselves better. Now, we both live in Texas and even though we are 300 miles apart it is the closest we’ve been. Retirement is in our focus and we look forward to RV’ing together. Thank you for giving your Mom more love and appreciation through your writing.
Love, Aunt Donna